I am wearing underwear that starts above my knee caps and stops just shy of my nipples. This underwear also doubles as military-grade armor, and I’m pretty sure it would sustain an atomic blast.Read More The Shape Of Things To Come
Just when I thought the low point of my week was going to be grabbing my phone out of a public toilet, I log on to OKCupid to find out who my potential mate in both love and life may be, only to be notified I am a 92% match with a marshmallow. I […]Read More Cook Me With Sweet Potatoes
I may or may not have eaten a stick of butter yesterday.Read More I Feel Good About Myself
I love the smell of inner tubes. I love that plasticky, chemically bonded rubber smell which indicates summer is near.Read More This Smells Gross, Wanna Smell It?
There are two folk singers upstairs from me who are singing and using a tambourine and I want to punch them in the face. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. I kid. But I am finding that my ability to concentrate when there are extraneous noises going on around me, well it’s […]Read More Friends Don’t Let Friends Play Tambourine
Imagine my excitement when I realized I’d single-handedly created a website. This may not be re-inventing the wheel, but for someone who can’t even figure out how to plug in a flash drive, designing a website was my technological Superbowl. I’ve managed to go my whole adult life and not know how to backup a […]Read More All I Need Is Duct Tape
Two thousand seventeen is shaping up to be the summer of wearing lots of pink taffeta and elastic waistbands.Read More Remember To Wear Comfortable Shoes
I’ve really gotta work on taking a compliment better. Last night a friend came up to me and asked, “Have you been working out?” My immediate response was, “Oh these are just really tight jeans. I’m going to need a shoehorn to pry them off.” I grew up in a family where deflecting compliments was […]Read More Do These Words Make My Butt Look Big?
On the rare occasion when I am feeling especially skinny and toned, I don’t mind wearing dresses and high heels. But as much as I love the way the ratio of dress swagger to 90 degree foot angle looks, the stilted shoes always end up hurting my body. I look at women who wear heels […]Read More Feet Don’t Fail Me Now
Isn’t it funny when you find a business card laying on the ground in the middle of your bedroom floor and you wonder, where did I meet that person?
I often have a fear of throwing out business cards because I don’t want them to think I don’t care about them.Read More If You Need To Reach Me