I don’t profess to know anything about anything in this world: not computers, not the proper way to cook pasta, not the correct way to pronounce the word, “niche”. But I do wonder, about “sneaking” up on a crook with giant a helicopter in flight.Read More March Madness
When my family moved from a quaint mountain town to the big, mean city of Los Angeles, my days of eating wax off the mouths of strangers promptly ended.Read More How To Win Friends & Influence People -Part II
Despite years of bullying as a child, and an inability to match my innerwear to my outerwear, I consider myself a pretty outgoing person. But before embracing my jazz hands approach to life, I hit a few street signs squarely in the face on my long journey to the now.Read More How To Win Friends And Influence People -Part 1
Not all traumatic events lead to financial gain. Some just make for another typical Tuesday.Read More They’re All Gonna Laugh At You (Part II)
I keep thinking about all those who don’t have families or friends or plants to hang out with this time of year. What does their holiday photo experience look like? There’s that guy sitting alone on one side of a teeter-totter, despondent, possibly crying.Read More A Lonely Person’s Guide To The Holidays
While my traumatic childhood events can’t possibly be any weirder than the next person’s, I feel compelled to share a few of them with you since you’re all just staring at me like that. Also, maybe eat your snacks before reading.Read More They’re All Gonna Laugh At You (Part I)
Let’s discuss the phrase, “shit from shinola”. This is one of those phrases I grew up hearing amidst casual grown-up parent talk. “Forget working with Bob. He doesn’t know shit from shinola.” I’d overhear my dad saying on the phone, as 7-year-old me would be rolling around on the floor, mastering my breakdancing moves. I remember […]Read More Learning To Curse When You’re 8.
Last night I fell in love with an imaginary gay man. For the second time.
But that’s not the most important part of the story. What is, is that in 107-degree weather, I peeled my sweat-soaked thighs off of my couch and rallied to look more like a fancy lady woman rather than a breathing flesh sweat pocket.Read More Faceplant
I just learned animals stress eat. I wonder, do they feel guilty the next day too?Read More Eat Your Feelings
I woke up this morning hungover. Nope. Scratch that. I woke up this morning drunk. And then this happened…Read More Never Buy A Couch While Drinking Tequila