How To Win Friends & Influence People -Part II

When my family moved from a quaint mountain town to the big, mean city of Los Angeles, my days of eating wax off the mouths of strangers promptly ended.

How To Win Friends And Influence People -Part 1

Despite years of bullying as a child, and an inability to match my innerwear to my outerwear, I consider myself a pretty outgoing person. But before embracing my jazz hands approach to life, I hit a few street signs squarely in the face on my long journey to the now.

They’re All Gonna Laugh At You (Part II)

Not all traumatic events lead to financial gain. Some just make for another typical Tuesday.

A Lonely Person’s Guide To The Holidays

I keep thinking about all those who don’t have families or friends or plants to hang out with this time of year. What does their holiday photo experience look like? There’s that guy sitting alone on one side of a teeter-totter, despondent, possibly crying.

Eat Your Feelings

I just learned animals stress eat. I wonder, do they feel guilty the next day too?

Never Buy A Couch While Drinking Tequila

I woke up this morning hungover. Nope. Scratch that. I woke up this morning drunk. And then this happened…

Cook Me With Sweet Potatoes

Just when I thought the low point of my week was going to be grabbing my phone out of a public toilet, I log on to OKCupid to find out who my potential mate in both love and life may be, only to be notified I am a 92% match with a marshmallow. I […]

I Feel Good About Myself

I may or may not have eaten a stick of butter yesterday.

This Smells Gross, Wanna Smell It?

I love the smell of inner tubes. I love that plasticky, chemically bonded rubber smell which indicates summer is near.

Friends Don’t Let Friends Play Tambourine

There are two folk singers upstairs from me who are singing and using a tambourine and I want to punch them in the face. Does that make me a bad person? Probably. I kid. But I am finding that my ability to concentrate when there are extraneous noises going on around me, well it’s […]